its bad when u have to get drunk to live with yourself. its time for some fucking change.. it always seems that New Hampshire trips come at opportune times where I get to go play myself in a different life that at times I think I hate bu the truth is.. I don't know who I like better. The Britani that is part of someone else or the Britani that is stupid, drunk, and lost. Which is easier to fix. Maybe this is all just comin from a bad night... nah, its been a bad 2 weeks. I look back and just want to fuckin cry.. I try to busy myself with school and laughing and other people but sometimes when it comes down to a sober night with the family i love the most.. it kills me to think that these people support me despite all the bad shit i do. they don't know but they are so proud of who they think I am. it KILLS me. so really, it's time to sever the ties. when someone that was just a much of a shell of a person as i was this time last year to look me in the eyes tonight and ask me, "when are you guna grow up?" I was offended. why? because, the truth hurts awfully bad. the fact that someone else knows me for the things i choose to ignore.. fuck.. im just determined to change.. so its done. no more texts, no more words, no more calls to anyone that wants anything from me. its a friendship based on learning, not taking or giving.. just growing together.
night..
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